I think I am finding my way out of the fog of pain killers and muscle relaxers and back into the bright array of yarn, knitting books, gadgets and my seemingly unlimited supply of unfinished projects. My goal is to just make some significant progress on something today. Maybe not actually finish something, but at the very least feel confident that I have done something real, something I can touch, feel and be proud of….something that will brighten my day.
I started to knit as a past time, something to do when I was bored. Knitting has become more than that to me. It now is something to pull me out of my hole of self-pity. It is my effort to be a part of society. There are so many programs out there to get the elderly out, to keep the disabled or handicap busy. I feel like I am in a lost dark hole, a mother with plenty of things to do here at home, but not the strength to feel I’ve made a difference. There is always work for a mom to do, dishes, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, but what happens when mom can only be on her feet a few hours a day…and not even all at once.
There are so many things I’ve learned about myself while my foot heals. How much importance I placed on “being the mom”, but now this has all made me question what “being the mom” really is….how can I be the mom now, right now, just as I am. Without my faith in God, I know I would be feeling much more lost. I truly believe that God has a purpose for me. That somewhere on the other side of this struggle, there will be greater meaning.
Somehow I do know my knitting, falls within this purpose. My knitting gives me an excuse to open my home to others. My knitting allows me to bless others with a little something special. My knitting gives me a chance to pray for others. As I knit projects, not always, I’m no saint, I like to pray for the person receiving it, when I remember too. Somewhere, I read about prayer shawls, and the ministry hit home, the request was for women to make them, but not just make them, pray for the person who would receive it. I felt convicted, how many hours I’ve spent knitting could now be put to use in a Greater way. God wants our prayers, wants our hearts turned towards him. I will use my knitting as an outlet, prayer, pain, frustration, love…the pieces I knit carry so much of myself with them. I hope that when people see them they consider the hours, thoughts and prayers put in them and consider what a wonderful Maker, who so carefully knit us in our mothers womb. Thank you, God, for giving me something to carry me through this.