Archive for January, 2013
The weather has turned bitterly cold, and no matter how much my mind is telling me too, I can’t find the urge to knit the kids some mittens. Scarves, sweaters, hats and ponchos roll off the needles, but with six kids, how can I commit to so many mittens. I’ll admit it’s the thumbs and the fear that I won’t make them match. I’ve made mittens. I know how to make them. I still can’t make myself start. I have even sorted through my stash looking for the perfect yarn, only to be distracted by a much more perfect project. Scarves are sooo much easier and as I check the length, I can keep my neck warm. I can’t knit with mittens on, so they really can’t warm me as I work. Afghans cover my lap and warm me, for that matter, sweaters do too. I think I should just plan on knitting the mittens in the summer, as I sit in my air conditioning, right? I am looking for and have found any excuse not to knit them. If and when I ever do get around to it, I hope my kids appreciate the monumental effort it took.
I am finally coming to grips with the fact that my life has changed. I will not be able to get around like I used to, I do have to limit the amount of time on my feet, and I really need to find healthy outlets that make me feel of use. It never occurred to me that the hardest thing about limitations is the change of mindset. I have spent my life running from one thing to the next and for the first time, life is telling me to stop running, to even stop moving fast at all. My frustration is mostly with myself, my inability to do things quickly. Never has it intentionally taken me so long to get through a grocery store, or walk through the mall. There is no such thing as a quick stop for me. When I was young I ran, fast. I loved the feeling of passing, of finishing first, of exceeding my own expectations. My patience has grown, but the emotional hurdles of sitting still have really surprised me. I thought this blog would help me and it has opened my eyes to my own avoidance of the inevitable reality before me, life changes….and I have to change too. I will make a point of writing more, of knitting more, and of being more open about my struggles. We are human, we fail, we triumph, we struggle, we ease through things…..I will find purpose in this. For now, I will knit newborn hats, by months end maybe something else, for now I will find purpose in this and pray that my heart heals along with my foot.