Getting colder…..must knit….

My house has this drafty feel to it. I’m freezing! This is not a terrible thing because it has sent my brain into overdrive about all things knitting. Projects are flying through my fingers as the list in my head grows with potential projects. Is it too late to knit some bats for Halloween? Or to knit an extra costume, just in case? I am always behind on holiday knitting. I just can’t think of knitting something out of season. Oh well, I guess we will be better prepared for next year.

Here’s a really fun pattern that I can’t wait to try….

http://knittinginatree.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/oh-brother-a-beard-pattern-by-liza-root1.pdf

A little bit of personal reflection.

I think I am finding my way out of the fog of pain killers and muscle relaxers and back into the bright array of yarn, knitting books, gadgets and my seemingly unlimited supply of unfinished projects.  My goal is to just make some significant progress on something today.  Maybe not actually finish something, but at the very least feel confident that I have done something real, something I can touch, feel and be proud of….something that will brighten my day.

I started to knit as a past time, something to do when I was bored.  Knitting has become more than that to me.  It now is something to pull me out of my hole of self-pity.  It is my effort to be a part of society.   There are so many programs out there to get the elderly out, to keep the disabled or handicap busy.  I feel like I am in a lost dark hole, a mother with plenty of things to do here at home, but not the strength to feel I’ve made a difference.  There is always work for a mom to do, dishes, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, but what happens when mom can only be on her feet a few hours a day…and not even all at once.

There are so many things I’ve learned about myself while my foot heals.  How much importance I placed on “being the mom”, but now this has all made me question what “being the mom” really is….how can I be the mom now, right now, just as I am.  Without my faith in God, I know I would be feeling  much more lost.  I truly believe that God has a purpose for me.  That somewhere on the other side of this struggle, there will be greater meaning.

Somehow I do know my knitting, falls within this purpose.   My knitting gives me an excuse to open my home to others.  My knitting allows me to bless others with a little something special.  My knitting gives me a chance to pray for others.  As I knit projects, not always, I’m no saint,  I like to pray for the person receiving it, when I remember too.  Somewhere, I read about prayer shawls, and the ministry hit home, the request was for women to make them, but not just make them, pray for the person who would receive it.  I felt convicted, how many hours I’ve spent knitting could now be put to use in a Greater way.  God wants our prayers, wants our hearts turned towards him.  I will use my knitting as an outlet, prayer, pain, frustration, love…the pieces I knit carry so much of myself with them.  I hope that when people see them they consider the hours, thoughts and prayers put in them and consider what a wonderful Maker, who so carefully knit us in our mothers womb.  Thank you, God, for giving me something to carry me through this.

I’m still here

Just a quick note to let the world know I am still here. I went in for my third procedure on the arterial vascular malformation in my foot, knitting in tow. I didn’t however, get to knit as much as I would’ve liked. This was by far my most painful procedure. Just before heading to the operating room, the Dr. said it was very likely that much of my pain leading up to this third procedure was due to a secondary condition because of not being able to walk properly my foot likely has plantar fasciitis also. I had to stay on oxygen and the pain meds just kept coming with not the greatest results the first day. Hopefully, the other experts being brought on board to cover my secondary condition will help me kick some of these drugs I now have to take to get through the day and sleep some at night. I did knit wash cloths at the hospital and gave them to the nurses until I ran out, passed on knitting websites and shared some of my favorite books. I love that no matter where I am knitting will connect with me someone, whether it’s a gift passed on, a shared passion, an introduction to a great past time or just the knowledge that knitting can visibly relax someone in pain. I am glad that God has given me this ability to create and to share my creations. Now I am working through my fog of pain to push on with my knitting and hopefully not make too many mistakes because all this tearing out is discouraging, I will press on and in my fog finish something more…..and here in my fog I almost forgot I managed to knit two hats in three days….I will knit my way out of the fog.

Now a little description about the first hat.  My very good friend, Amanda, came by to visit me and mentioned it was hat night at her church’s Wednesday night program.  Having five kids of her own, she mentioned she needed to find a hat for one of her boys.  Well, I couldn’t resist and in my drug induced stupor I hopped around on my crutch positive we could find the right yarn to match his coat and of course I could whip out a hat for her son.  I am not sure what I was thinking but it worked.  We found the yarn and amid some fun conversation, always fun while medicated, the hat was completed….just in time for her to run out the door and get her kids to church.  I have decided one of the hardest things about being unable to get around, is not feeling needed.  I am sure she would’ve found a hat, but it felt wonderful to feel needed, useful, productive….better than any painkiller taken that day.

Aidan’s hat

The second hat was a gift to my second son.  He left this weekend for his first youth group trip.  It is his first time being away for the weekend and he has outgrown his favorite elf hat I knit him.  I am happy he is growing up and I am even happier he proudly wore the hat I so lovingly knit for him.  Pictures will have to be added later.  I am seriously in awe that my kids love my knitting and wear it proudly…..it makes me feel loved knowing they are proud of my love….does that make sense…if not I’ll just blame the pain meds.  Time to stop rambling, thanks for reading.

Time to curl up with my knitting

proof that I can knit mittens.

my poncho…

hats galore…

The weather has turned bitterly cold, and no matter how much my mind is telling me too, I can’t find the urge to knit the kids some mittens. Scarves, sweaters, hats and ponchos roll off the needles, but with six kids, how can I commit to so many mittens. I’ll admit it’s the thumbs and the fear that I won’t make them match. I’ve made mittens. I know how to make them. I still can’t make myself start. I have even sorted through my stash looking for the perfect yarn, only to be distracted by a much more perfect project. Scarves are sooo much easier and as I check the length, I can keep my neck warm. I can’t knit with mittens on, so they really can’t warm me as I work. Afghans cover my lap and warm me, for that matter, sweaters do too. I think I should just plan on knitting the mittens in the summer, as I sit in my air conditioning, right? I am looking for and have found any excuse not to knit them. If and when I ever do get around to it, I hope my kids appreciate the monumental effort it took.

My knitting confessional

I am finally coming to grips with the fact that my life has changed. I will not be able to get around like I used to, I do have to limit the amount of time on my feet, and I really need to find healthy outlets that make me feel of use. It never occurred to me that the hardest thing about limitations is the change of mindset. I have spent my life running from one thing to the next and for the first time, life is telling me to stop running, to even stop moving fast at all. My frustration is mostly with myself, my inability to do things quickly. Never has it intentionally taken me so long to get through a grocery store, or walk through the mall. There is no such thing as a quick stop for me. When I was young I ran, fast. I loved the feeling of passing, of finishing first, of exceeding my own expectations. My patience has grown, but the emotional hurdles of sitting still have really surprised me. I thought this blog would help me and it has opened my eyes to my own avoidance of the inevitable reality before me, life changes….and I have to change too. I will make a point of writing more, of knitting more, and of being more open about my struggles. We are human, we fail, we triumph, we struggle, we ease through things…..I will find purpose in this. For now, I will knit newborn hats, by months end maybe something else, for now I will find purpose in this and pray that my heart heals along with my foot.

knitting pattern

Just thought I would attempt to post my first pattern…..

Bulky Rolled Rim Newborn Hat
Hometown USA Lion brand yarn
size 13 circular and/or double point needles

Cast on 25 stitches.
slip last stitch to front needle and knit 2 together. continue to knit in the round. 24 st
continue to knit to 5 inches approximately 15 rounds.
decrease for crown
round 1: knit 2, knit 2 together, repeat around 18 stitches
round 2: knit
round 3: knit 1, knit 2 together, repeat to end of round, 12 stitches
round 4: knit
round 5: knit 2 together around, 6 stitches
cut yarn about 12 inches from last stitch, slip stitches with yarn, pull tight, weave in ends.

finishing projects

I have been busy! Busy tying up a lot of loose ends, well, maybe more like sewing in a lot of loose ends. My least favorite part of projects has always been the finishing. I hated sewing in all those loose ends. This week, I actually enjoyed it. I had a nice little pile and it felt really good to see what I had accomplished. It was good for my soul to see the finished product, instead of a stack reminding me of my procrastination. Maybe it is worth it to finish a bunch at once. I seem to have forgotten the mistakes I saw in the projects, the portions my tension may have loosened or tightened, I couldn’t recognize them as quickly. Finally, I could look at my projects as a whole finished work of art, rather than seeing my flaws. I sometimes wonder if our own flaws distract us from closer relationship with God and others, and if we could just step back and appreciate the whole image and be thankful for what we have. I have been very focused on my foot this past week, as it has caused me a great deal of pain. Now, I want to rest in the assurance of how far I’ve come this summer, instead of comparing to where I’ve been. Not an easy task. For now I will enjoy my stack of finished knitting, and appreciate that it’s not my hands that are hurting, just my foot.

the finished projects

a couple of my favorite visitors while in the hospital…boy did I miss my kids those few days.

Finally finished hoodie for Eli

My mom’s doll outfit she has been asking for

the blanket in the background I’ve been working on….I just love the yarn, it was wonderful to work with

My enormous afghan

I just thought I would post something about my favorite afghan.  This is probably one of the most convincing reasons people should check gauge before knitting, however despite my grievous error, I love the results.  This blanket suits our family perfectly in spite of its crazy dimensions.  This afghan measures approximately 4 ft by 6 ft, the longer being the width.  This is a favorite for the kids because no one gets left out on the couch, no need to worry it covers everyone’s laps.  My husband, who is over 6 ft tall, likes to lay under because it actually covers his tall frame.  My least favorite part, has nothing to do with the blanket itself, as much as how difficult the last foot was to knit due to the weight of this wool blanket.  I think I like it all the more, because of the perseverance it required to finish.

Restless Knitting

Is there a cure for restless knitting syndrome???  I’m in desperate need of a cure.  For some reason, unknown to me, when things get stressful, I reach for a new knitting project.  As my foot heals, and new challenges arise, (like climbing in and out of the van, I know, difficult, huh?) my painkiller of choice is new knitting projects.

I found a new book at the bookstore and immediately had to start at least one of the patterns, if only to justify the purchase.  By morning, I had to cast on a lace shawl, just to have something else to work on when the checkerboard (new book pattern) might get a  little boring. Not to mention the I-cord I had to start this morning to finish the baby hat that I had barely cast-off before beginning the so-called cast-on shawl.  As if I really have time to knit all of this, maybe I should re-injure my foot just so I can keep up with all my cast-ons.  Or I could just get one more knitting bag to carry these projects with me wherever I go, I am sure my husband would love this idea.

It is at this point, on behalf of my husband that I will put a request out there, for any known cure for this restless knitting syndrome, I am positive it is a disease that only progresses with time, that no amount of yarn stashed can cure, book buying only worsens, and time off my feet has decidedly aggravated.   This is a cry for help, or maybe just a plea for  compassion and understanding…..I will finish these projects, someday.

The start of a lace shawl

The just begun Checkerboard

The unfinished baby hat

Almost done

My son has been patiently waiting for me to finish his wonderful wallaby. Of course, he would call it a hoodie, but just so no one is mistaken, it’s the wonderful Wallaby pattern I used. Now that summer is here, I am almost finished. Perfect timing, huh?? Oh the life of an overwhelmed knitter, so many projects, so much yarn, why have only one project going at a time. So while I knit up baby items for photographer friend, I will plug away at this hooded sweater that could always be given to his younger brother if I forget to finish it.

The unfinished Wonderful Wallaby!